6/29: Atop a Hill Overlooking Agua Longo
I just read the card you wrote me. I was saving it for a week in, and here we are. Your words strummed the strings of my heart and I was moved to tears - big surprise. After reading from this bucolic perch above "town", I was struck to hippiedom and performed an OM chant like we used to do back at the church in H'burg where we did yoga. With my teary eyes clenched tight, I imagined the reverberations from deep within my chest radiating out in circular waves and traveling up & over the mountains before me, through the Panama Canal and on up the spine of Central America & Mexico until finally reaching you somewhere outside LA, on the road with Breanne, in the Suburban, smiling, laughing. I belt out 3 long OMs, a little shaky at first, but steadier each time, then 3 more in my head. I sat and imagined the echo of my intonations bouncing off your heart and back to mine. I did this 3 separate times and each time I could feel your love stronger and stronger.
It has taken some time, but we are deeply connected to one another. I feel you inside me now as I write this journal entry. I picture you here, living with me in the dirt floor house of Maria Juana & Ramiro & their 4 boys. I know you could hack it, but I don't want you to have to. It's filthy & uncomfortable, and dark & often awkward. This is not a vacation, this is a test. I'm skating by OK, but only 1 week in and I already long for the life I left in Seattle. Of course I can live this way, but why on Earth would I choose to? We've been born into lives of privilege, my host family has not. It's nobody's fault, there's no blame or shame to place, it's just the way it is. Perhaps in our next life, it will be different, but for now, we should be eternally grateful for all our gifts. We should use them to the fullest extent to a) enjoy the ride, and b) do what we can to help others enjoy it too.
The world will never see equality in regards to quality of life (i.e. amenities/comforts/stuff+things). But that's only one scale with which to judge our lives. There is so much love & joy in this poor community in rural Ecuador. They express it regularly and with such tenderness it almost seems strange. Perhaps thats the real reason I had to come and had to experience a homestay for myself. This unfamiliar familial love is seeping into my pores and bones and I am being transformed. I will bring it back to share with you for the rest of our lives together and look forward to sharing it with the children we'll have someday. This will be my last solo adventure - I can no longer stand to be away from you. We will travel, and we will travel in style, enjoying our privileged lives, but a
lways feeling grateful, not guilty for it. On this front, its you who has been right all along and I'm just catching up. We're growing, separately yes, but in the ways we need to in order to grow closer. I love our life and I love you and I look forward to the adventure to come.
I just read the card you wrote me. I was saving it for a week in, and here we are. Your words strummed the strings of my heart and I was moved to tears - big surprise. After reading from this bucolic perch above "town", I was struck to hippiedom and performed an OM chant like we used to do back at the church in H'burg where we did yoga. With my teary eyes clenched tight, I imagined the reverberations from deep within my chest radiating out in circular waves and traveling up & over the mountains before me, through the Panama Canal and on up the spine of Central America & Mexico until finally reaching you somewhere outside LA, on the road with Breanne, in the Suburban, smiling, laughing. I belt out 3 long OMs, a little shaky at first, but steadier each time, then 3 more in my head. I sat and imagined the echo of my intonations bouncing off your heart and back to mine. I did this 3 separate times and each time I could feel your love stronger and stronger.
It has taken some time, but we are deeply connected to one another. I feel you inside me now as I write this journal entry. I picture you here, living with me in the dirt floor house of Maria Juana & Ramiro & their 4 boys. I know you could hack it, but I don't want you to have to. It's filthy & uncomfortable, and dark & often awkward. This is not a vacation, this is a test. I'm skating by OK, but only 1 week in and I already long for the life I left in Seattle. Of course I can live this way, but why on Earth would I choose to? We've been born into lives of privilege, my host family has not. It's nobody's fault, there's no blame or shame to place, it's just the way it is. Perhaps in our next life, it will be different, but for now, we should be eternally grateful for all our gifts. We should use them to the fullest extent to a) enjoy the ride, and b) do what we can to help others enjoy it too.
The world will never see equality in regards to quality of life (i.e. amenities/comforts/stuff+things). But that's only one scale with which to judge our lives. There is so much love & joy in this poor community in rural Ecuador. They express it regularly and with such tenderness it almost seems strange. Perhaps thats the real reason I had to come and had to experience a homestay for myself. This unfamiliar familial love is seeping into my pores and bones and I am being transformed. I will bring it back to share with you for the rest of our lives together and look forward to sharing it with the children we'll have someday. This will be my last solo adventure - I can no longer stand to be away from you. We will travel, and we will travel in style, enjoying our privileged lives, but a
lways feeling grateful, not guilty for it. On this front, its you who has been right all along and I'm just catching up. We're growing, separately yes, but in the ways we need to in order to grow closer. I love our life and I love you and I look forward to the adventure to come.
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